I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
