I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
