Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
