I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
