WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
