I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
