Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
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He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
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Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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