Your tits are I can't wait for
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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