So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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