great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
