A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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