I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
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If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
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I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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