I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
