So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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