I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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