cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
