this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
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All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
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We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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