We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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