i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
