kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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