A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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