so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize