saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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