Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
