You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
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We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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