So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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