If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
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My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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