when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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