Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
