is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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