From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
