Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
