I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
