FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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