so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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