U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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