I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Hippo gnu deer
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
