we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
