Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
