i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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