I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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