I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
