thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you had me at cake vodka
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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