Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
