I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
