i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
