i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
