In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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