I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
