Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
