I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
