Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
ugly people sure do ruin things
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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