yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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