Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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