Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
