i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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