U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
