; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
