We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize