Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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