guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
