I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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