i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
