I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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