It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
